It happened thirty-five years ago on November 13th. I was wed to someone who would forever change my life. I, being the one between us both who would display tearful emotion and stood in front of her. Trying my best to hold back tears, I peered straight into her eyes as I spoke my vows.

Marriage was something I waited for, something we both waited for, and it was now unfolding for us both in realtime.

Realtime.

I remember Irene looking up at me, telling me not to cry, that it was ok. ‘It’s ok Sweetie’ is what she kept saying. She was able to repeat her vows with her ‘moon eyes’. Big smile, pure joy and without tears. So strong she always was. She gave me the encouragement I needed, her hope for our future, and her assurance of authentic love.

I was not able to repeat my vows without powerful emotion or feeling. Emotions would always come for me, and still do to this day. Between us both, she was the strong one. At the appearance level, I was the stoic one. Inside, I was the one who would always disassemble.

Time has always been something of value to me and now it is ever so much more of value.

Irene and I would always poke fun at one another, me telling her that one day we’d be sitting in our rocking chairs together. She would become a ‘Granny Baxter’, and she would say to me that I’d become ‘Old man Warner’. Both old and crotchety. But that scenario is no longer.

There is no more ‘we’ll see’, or ‘later’, or ‘let’s see what happens’. We both experienced what was happening in our lives together, and I experienced its conclusion alone thirty-five years later. I’m not going to wait any longer. Overdue, the time is now. And I don’t want to be late.

I miss you already.