It was the last I saw of him.

I thought I could help, I thought I could make a difference. I believed in the purity of humanity, the soul and all that makes one, one. While I am not certain if there was any positive internal effect, I also don’t know if the opposite is true.

Some time before things were apparent to me I would have thought that a clear distance was all that was needed. No way did I want to be anywhere near that. It was ugly, even repulsive to me. There was no way I could ever have any part of it and never would have imagined that one day, there I was. I saw past the obvious, past the book cover and was suddenly reading every chapter of the book all at once. The information was pouring in at an alarming rate. It was as if I had just plugged into The Matrix.

It was heavy, it was an overload until it wasn’t. The deep inhalation of oxygen was the same for this one as it was for the outsider. Was the image in front the same or was it different? And if it was different, then how so?

How could there be such a contorted view, one so strong that everything changed? But did it really change or was it always that way?

Too many questions and not enough answers. We heard that everything was status quo. All the pieces were in place for a winning game. Teammates are bound to get injured and some of them heal. Every once in awhile one of the chess pieces becomes lost and unless that particular piece gets found the remainder of the game is changed. It just is, yet we wish differently. Don’t we always wish differently.

There was a time when everything could be controlled within the confines of the building. And then everything became different. Why did everything become different? Could a sense of equilibrium ever be reached I wonder.

There were plans and aspirations, there were moments of stillness and no leaves would shift in movement away from the grass. Sometimes the weather changes, rapidly.

Oh man, let me take care of this one. I don’t just think that I can, I know I can. Too many I’s.

Doing something here. Perhaps it’s working, but what if it doesn’t, work? We won’t even go there. No one wants to go there, but they do. We don’t like that, it’s too uncomfortable and it even hurts. I can’t put a band-aid on it and there is no pain reliever that works. Nothing will work. But we can talk and talk we will, a lot. Just hope everything becomes solid.

More is occurring and not sure if it’s setting in right. I don’t think it is. Disturbing almost.

I didn’t think that, I didn’t say that. I wasn’t there. It wasn’t me. No, don’t let your mind do that to you. What is happening? It’s all going South. Didn’t expect or want this at all, and it already hurts. Dizzy is how I feel. Don’t let it be, it can’t, please.

It was half-open. The inevitable is happening. So fast now and nothing I could do. Not meant to be stated, not meant to be heard.

Sound-waves from there to here, and now it hurts even more. So painful. It’s happening and all I see is his back. Even the front didn’t look right.

And then he just walked away. His back grows smaller in the distance and he does not return.