Feeling Good

Dad died 4 days ago and I am still feeling good about it all. Not ‘good’ as if I am glad he’s gone, but ‘good’ as in being emotionally in a good place. I’m sure there are many factors that come into play with my emotions on his passing but I don’t think I’ll experience any grieving sorrow. We always hear from surviving family members ‘so-and-so’ wouldn’t want me to be sad over them dying, and then survivors are sad anyway and in most cases emotionally down in the dumps for quite some time.

Dad wouldn’t want us to be like that and at least for me, I won’t. Sure I loved him, dearly. But the love isn’t any lessened now that he is no longer physically here. Our sorrow and grief comes from selfishness of our loss, not theirs. Our lives are not about us and there is no secret that we live on borrowed time.

So ok, at least for my dad, I won’t be in heavy grief. In fact, as I write this, I am smiling. Any furrowed brow right now is only for a chance mistype of my fingers that I need to fix before moving on, or to find specific wording to use to adequately express my thoughts.

We were over at the house yesterday and although Kath and Cory have already done much with upstairs furniture elimination and consolidation of ‘stuff’, there is still MUCH to be done with downstairs. The yard looks fine, but will appreciate new owners once they work on landscaping and grass repair. New neighbors await for Judy who has been our staple neighbor from the very beginning. Always so helpful and thoughtful. Wonderful family those peeps.

Our family moved into the house in 1972. Oh my goodness, that’s 50 years ago! I remember the move very clearly. The house was only 5 years old at the time, so still very ‘new’ as far as houses go. The surrounding neighborhood was now booming with new houses in various states of being built and for a 9 year old boy, I thought that was really cool.

While at mom and dad’s house yesterday it was difficult to not pick up items and begin to travel down memory lane. I did however but only a little because I knew we’d be back for a thorough clean-out in the days ahead. Yesterday, Kath, Gib, and I were actually there to meet-up with the Realtor who would be selling the house. Something dad never wanted to do because in his mind, he and mom would someday make their return.

Dad gave mom his Mason ring to give to me which was very touching. Dad was always wearing the ring although he hadn’t been actively involved in the Mason’s for many years. I think active involvement became very time consuming for him and as he got older, he definitely got lazier.

On a shelf just above the garage workbench, I found a rock that I had been searching for many years. It was completely dusted over, but I knew it was the rock when I saw it. I know the rock was originally found the rock while on a family camping trip many years ago, probably before I was even a teenager. A couple years ago I was visiting at the house while specifically looking for a few keepsakes, the rock being one of them. In the morning yesterday I even told Kath that I had been looking for it but to no avail.

Between dads ring that he gave me, and finding the ‘lost’ rock, my day was as wonderful as it gets.