Oh hi Beautiful!
I’ve been missing you bunches and bunches! I see you all the time, and I think about you all the time.
All the time.
I think I know what to do, but I’m not sure, you know?

I can see you everywhere and sometimes hear you, but the emptiness is overwhelming. Still. It’s all consuming, and I think that feeling will never change. The other day I was on the phone with someone you don’t know, someone I met at my group grief sessions from last year. While talking with my friend, your voice suddenly came through on the phone’s speaker…”You have reached Irene Petris, please leave a message at the tone and I’ll get back to you.”

It was your voice, it was you.

I didn’t call you, but there you were speaking to me in realtime. What just happened? ‘I’ve been trying to reach you’ is what I wanted to say, but you haven’t been available. You’re not available, you’re not here. But you are here, you are here, you are everywhere. You’re in the color of the walls in every room of our house. You’re in the furniture you purchased for every room. You’re in the decorative pillow covers of each throw pillow in the living room. You are in the front yard design, the backyard redesign, the trees we planted, the patio chairs we use. You’re in the Steinway piano you purchased just for me. And you are in our dogs, their names and their very lives.

Am I trying to reach someone/something that is already there? Am I attempting to find you when you are already all around me? I can only conclude the answer is yes. Does this mean I should be content with the way things are? At the very least, come to accept that reality? Regardless, I must.

You are different now, but you will always be the same. Me, I am the same but I will always be different.

What we had together will always be, that part doesn’t change. It’s just scary to think that anything I may have or do going forward will be done on my own. On my own, yes, but never alone. Never alone because I am forever surrounded by the you I have been trying to reach.

Hi beautiful! I’m waving to you right now. Can you see me? I know you can see me because you are all around me and within everything I do.