I awoke late today. Thinking that perhaps only minutes went by after my alarm signaled, I looked at the time on my watch which is something I never do. Instead of minutes having passed, I saw that 2 hours had slipped by me and I didn’t even realize it. I was 2 hours late.
Two hours late sounds bad, probably really bad as ‘late’ is late. What was I going to do now with ‘only’ three hours ahead of me before I needed to leave for school? Instead of my usual 5-6 pre-school hours, I had nearly half the time. Disappointed? Somewhat, but after once again coming to grips with my mortal state of being, I accepted my wake-up error.
If I had woken up to my usual time of 2:00am, I would have had time to play the piano, do some reading, do some writing, and exercise afterwards. Who is driving this demanding train of activities?..Me.
There comes a time when one must relinquish control to the physiological abilities and limitations of oneself. This can occur often and any given time, or in periodic spurts. At least I can still manage its’ frequency, for now.
Expectations are high for myself, and for those around me. I believe we should all have high expectations, or at least lofty goals to work toward. With that level of loftiness however, and through the humbling passage of time, I realize that none of this is emotionally healthy or physically sustainable without grace.
Grace, something we need to be reminded of constantly. At least I need to be reminded of it. Receiving necessary hours of sleep shouldn’t be something that we become frustrated by when our bodies tell us that we need more, for whatever reason. I needed the additional sleep and I knew it when I closed my eyes the previous night. But I wanted to ‘power through it’ and wake at my usual time.
I may have wanted to cut my body’s restoration period short, just so that I could get my typical daily routine started. But today offered me a necessary change in my schedule, one that required a level of personal acceptance and relinquishment of control. So therefore my wake-up time is actually ok, or at least should be ok, today.
No, I didn’t get to play piano for two hours, and no my morning routine was somewhat modified. But my perspective on the day depends on me. Therefore I need to ask myself…did I really wake-up late?