I play the piano. Certainly not a virtuoso, but I do play quite well. Playing the piano is not something that is automatically natural in my being, or maybe it is and I just don’t know it, yet. Perhaps it is this sentiment that prevents me from playing as well as I think I should play. I play best when I am all alone. I know I do because when I am all alone there are no inhibitions. There is no fear of making a mistake simply because I know that I am the only one listening. Silly. I have however become more accustomed to playing for others but it must always be initiated by me. I will not take requests to play, at least not yet. To play at request places too much pressure that was not initiated by me. If I am going to play for anyone, I need to first decide that I will do so this way I allow myself time to process the commitment.
While this may all sound to an extent pompous, it is not. It all stems from by efforts to always play perfectly. Everything for me relates back to Perfectionism. Debilitating and sometimes Paralyzing. My ability to play the piano comes with two hours of daily practice. This is not a chore. I enjoy the complexities and intricacies of musical composition. Like an athlete, yes I need to practice.
When unable to play for whatever reason I enjoy watching performances on video, or best live. There is emotion in music. For full appreciation this emotion is to be absorbed by the listener. This is why when watching musical performances, the pianist is most always visibly emotionally moved by the piece that is being played. When I watch these performances, I am always thinking that I wish I could play as well as they do. Their ability looks like perfection to me. Perfection in my ability to play I know is never achievable as there is no such thing as Perfection. However, I know that ability to play as there master musicians is not an impossibility. Doing so, will mean more practice on and off the keyboard. Definitely something for me to strive for.