Petdad

Time to think. Sometimes I feel that time of thinking is overwhelming, too much cognitive processing. Is there such a thing as too much cognitive processing? Of course it all depends on what one is thinking about.

For me, the word ponder is a deeper level of thinking, and I believe that sometimes I ponder too much about everything. It becomes mentally exhausting.

Dad died three months ago. Mom died two months ago. Sean died almost six years ago. Bonnie and Clyde died two years ago. Grant died two years ago. I lost a good friend one month ago. Opie died three days ago. I’ve had it. Enough death.

Stoic I appear, stoic I am not.

Writing helps, exercise helps, piano helps. Then what? Default: Sleep. Then I awake the next day.

I had to look up the Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. None of these categories looks uplifting. They’re not. Studies show these ‘stages’ do not have a specific timeframe, or manifest necessarily in any order, other than Acceptance being last.

While I may wish to not lose anyone, this is Life being Life. It’s the Circle of Life, and it hurts. There is nothing easy about it.

Caught in an undertow of strong emotion we manage, hopefully.

Hopefully, we manage.