My jaws are sore.
My head is a mess.
I don’t want to stop thinking about you.
I don’t feel like talking today.
I don’t want to participate in the discussion.
I don’t want to participate today.
I don’t want to participate in today.
I no longer want to participate.
I’m ‘better’ today.
Slightly better than yesterday.
I’m here.
I’m participating.
Today.
You birthed seven lives, and saved an additional one, all in one day. You provided seven families a long-
awaited bundle of joy, now in the hands of their forever home.
You impacted 7 + 1 (∞ x ∞ (∞))
Dearly missed∞.
We dream. All the time we dream. Daytime dreams have been coined as ‘Day Dreaming’, which in essence is recognizing creative imagination in the conscious state. If one recalls dreams as do I, a parallel world to the conscious state is recreated within a sleep state. It’s really wild as I can most all the time remember my dreams on a nightly basis.
An article on sleep in Healthline describes the following: Hypnagogia is the transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep. It’s the opposite of hypnopompia, which is the transitional state that occurs before you wake up.
Then there is a sleep state termed as hypnagogic hallucinations. This is when dreams are really crazy and sometimes upsetting. The research is like any other research can be… a cable-knit sweater that just goes on and on.
There have been times when after waking up I realize all that just happened was ‘only a dream’. Depends on the manifested dream whether I’m rather disappointed, glad, or just indifferent. I love to dream, I am a dreamer in both my sleep and conscious state. The ‘positive’, whatever it may be, is always a possibility. Always. Dreams are just as real to me as when I am in my conscious awake state. They’re fascinating. They spark individual creativity and often find solutions to ‘real-life’ issues. They are exciting.
Life in my dreams is real, but then again how do I really know that my ‘conscious state’ is any more real than a dream itself?
Imagine reading a book and when the page is turned, there is nothing else but blank pages. The previously read sentence may have been a complete thought or perhaps it ended midstream without complete thought. Imagine watching a movie and suddenly the video feed goes blank. The movie wasn’t even finished. Nothing else. One won’t know what happens next in the story and one never will.
Imagine reading a book or watching a movie through completion and realizing there will never be another book, there will never be another movie.
Only nothingness, emptiness.
I’m understanding that reality these days as it relates to life, and I’m not comforted. When life ends, it ends. There is no ‘to be continued’, no waiting until the next season, no ‘next’ chapter or sequel. There is no next, its just gone.
Did I attend the event after all? Did I leave the conversation in a good place when I left? Did I show love, and did I say ‘I love you’?
Am I ready for the unseen finality of when it does happen?
I want to have all my ducks in a row. I want to say everything I should have said, done everything I should have done, and positioned myself in the best light I possibly can for everyone involved. Complete selfish-selflessness all in place, for when it ends.
Petdad 